So what is this thing we call "doubt"?

Doubt, as you may have guessed I would say given the last two posts, is the result of unresolved feelings about our imperfections. In the same way our rejection of our imperfections is completely dysfunctional and can lead us to desperate solutions (i.e sins) that distance us from God, others, and our true selves (i.e. the result of our sin), the continuation of the unresolved feelings leads us to replay those feelings in our minds without resolution. This is guilt.

If our sins hurt other people, this guilt intensifies. It's often intermingled with a sense of responsibility and/or justice which can lead people to confuse the two. Letting go of our negative associations with imperfection is different than letting go of responsibility. One can be done without the other. Since we are more familiar with a clear definition of responsibility, we sometimes let go of that thinking it will solve the guilt and fix the underlying association with our distrust of things imperfect. The truth is the exact opposite.

Realizing that God will forgive your sins and then making amends for how those sins hurt everyone (including yourself) is the first step. After that, the more nebulous, complex, difficult, and rewarding step is to embrace your imperfections and love yourself. This allows you to love others and God more fully as well. You take responsibility for your sins and also take the steps necessary to resolve your guilt.

So what's the most important commandment? Say it with me...

I'm rambling again, aren't I? Help me out here!

Imperfection isn't Sin

Here are my quick, unfiltered thoughts on this subject, but I need your help to work through this!

Sin is what separates us from God, others, and our true selves. Imperfection is what makes us unique. Confusing the two has lead generation after generation into self-doubt, judgement, and sadness.

We seem to spend so much time covering up our imperfections... trying to live up to some ideal that nobody can achieve so we will feel loved and important. (bear with me here) Only reflections from the past, whether they be tangible like photographs or intangible like memories, are given the general cultural approval of "perfect"... but even these are imperfect in their own way. They are an illusion and (as a result) not everyone agrees what they are or how to achieve them. Striving to meet those conflicting expectations is impossible, damaging and pointless. Ultimately it distances us from loving ourselves.

Look: All there is in this world is the journey and if we fill up that process with hollow pursuits, we're more easily led to things that promise a big payoff, but only distance us from loving ourselves (imperfections and all). That is the definition of sin.

Instead, we should make the most of our time and enjoy the journey. You can choose what to fill it with. Make it something beautiful and wonderful. Does someone else not approve of that? Sounds like that's their issue... Not your's. Let go of all the crap you carry around... or at least put it down for a while. I think you'll find it allows you to pick up something much more satisfying. When you stop worrying about your imperfections and loving yourself because of them (maybe just in spite of them at first until you get the hang of it), you have more room to love other people's imperfections. Then you're loving (!!!) which brings you close to others and God. Just try it!

I will struggle with this for the rest of my life. And you should too. It's good.

Perfection is Imperfection

First of all, I've finished the Subtle Knife and have made good progress in the final book of Pullman's trilogy, the Amber Spyglass. But we'll chat about that another time...

It struck me as I was driving home last night (and in the past) that I really love those moments in church where everything goes wrong. When the next overhead slide has the wrong words, I rejoice. When someone singing into the microphone forgets the lyrics or plays a wrong chord, I beam with happiness. When things go wrong, Everything is right.

So many churches spend Monday through Saturday desperately hunting down and eliminating these "embarrassing" moments... as if imperfection were abhorrent in the eyes of God. I see it is exactly the opposite. The moment my church has such a polished product that we consecutively have "perfect" services, I'm out the door. (btw: I don't think it will ever happen)

We should celebrate our blemishes! After all, if God is perfect, the only thing that differentiates us from Him may be our imperfections. Although they might not seem wonderful to us, they're all we really have. Isn't there something wonderful about that? If God had wanted us to be nothing more than exact clones of Him throughout our life, don't you think He would have done just that? And yet here we are... warts and all.

And I love it. Now go be imperfect and rejoice!

The Subtle Knife - Making progress

So I'm making excellent progress through the Pullman trilogy and am just about finished with the second of the three books: The Subtle Knife. The author's intentions are radiantly clear as never before. There is no doubt of what's going to happen in the third book nor of what the outcome will likely be:

*Spoiler Alert*
-=Here's another chance to look away if you intend to read the books=--

What's coming is an epic battle between God (as the establishment defines it) and "what is right" (i.e. what Pullman and his sympathetic characters believe). It's most likely going to have the main female character (Lyra) become an unwitting hero who is sacrificed for the betterment of mankind. Knowing the difference between our reality and that of this book (and what Pullman has said he thinks), the establishment will likely win and the "morale" will be that this is a bad thing but that we have a choice to reject our notion of god to create a better world. I'm not sure there is not some sympathy to be shared with this vision, but I can see why many people would have trouble with this collection being marketed to children. Then again, think about what kind of pollution is fed to kids in the name of the Church these days.

We'll see what happens... What do you think?

Finished the Golden Compass

***Spoiler Alert***
-=Skip this message if you're planning to read any of these books and don't want to know what happens!=-

I've finished the first of three books in Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy: The Golden Compass. If you've seen the movie, you haven't actually been exposed to everything in the first book. It is toward the end of the book that Pullman begins to reveal more what could be considered the true intended nature of this work.

At this point Lyra meets up with her uncle/father Lord Asriel and we learn more about his experiments with dust (and his true nature) - he isn't really as admirable as I had been led to think. It seems that this character is used by Pullman to exemplify people who consider all sorts of ecumenical reflections on the Bible and yet still come away with selfish, poisonous interpretations. If I'm to understand the intent of Pullman's words, knowing that he has been publicized (intentionally or otherwise) as both an atheist and a satanist, I might assume this is what he would consider to be the "best" result from trying to merge religion and science short of rejecting God and the Bible. Assuming we put aside this (IMO) flawed conclusion, I think there is much good to be derived from what he has brought to the table.

There are many people who read (or think they've studied) the Bible and use it to justify all sorts of awful things. It all comes down to interpretation. The beauty of having a tool like the Bible is that (with the exception of differing translations) it isn't really changing dramatically at this point - at least not like it was 1900 years ago. It can act as a kind of gestalt, against which we can see the true nature of a person or an organization. To come to the conclusion that the Bible itself (or the Koran, an astronomy book, the daily newspaper...) is evil would be a mistake. I'm not sure that this is what Pullman intends. I still have two more books to read in this series. We'll see...

What do you think?

Update on Golden Compass

I'm making good progress on the audiobook of Philip Pullman's Golden Compass. So far, I see little to get excited about in terms of a covert plot to turn our children into atheists. Maybe I'm missing something, but there we are. I would say I'm a little more than a third done and I've heard some decidedly negative things coming from his representation of the human political manifestation of faith (the church) but then I guess I agree with him on that.

Remember kids: Heresy is an imperative in this modern world.

Who cares what's coming?

What will happen in the future?

The more I contemplate this question, the less interested I am in the answer. We simply don't know. Some people have proven somewhat adept at prediction, but more often than not these predictions are completely wrong or have to be interpreted in hindsight to seem accurate. Where's the value in that? I've never seen much. More often than not it seems that the end result is people getting whipped into a frenzy over some potential horrible ending when no such fate comes to fruition. It's just a distraction from the Kingdom which is at hand... within reach... not in the future nor in the past.

I have come to somewhat of an epiphany on this subject and it boils down to a simple (I think) well-crafted sentence that came to me in a moment of clarity:

This is not the end of times
except that you wish to make it so.

What do you think?

Taking One for the Team

So I went to see The Golden Compass last night. I know it was supposedly watered down, but it didn't seem particularly anti-God to me. In order to learn more about the hubbub surrounding this release, I decided to purchase read the book upon which this movie was based. In fact, I bought the three-book trilogy "His Dark Materials" (The Golden Compass is the first of these books) and plan to read them all to see what's up. I'll report back to this blog as I make progress and will prepend all my posts with *Spoiler Alert* whenever appropriate (which I anticipate will be often).

Stay tuned and remember to keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times during the ride.

Reflecting on one thing I did...

Other than gain weight, I did achieve something while I was away on holiday. I finished reading (well, listening to) A.J. Jacobs' The Year of Living Biblically. It's a fun, insightful book and I would encourage anyone, secular or spiritual, to check it out.

When I started reading it, I posted about that, but now that I'm done, I would like to share something really cool from that book with you. At the end, the author reflects on what he's experienced during the last year... living by following every rule and suggestion for living provided in the "old" and "new" testaments of the Bible. He comes to a very insightful conclusion about literal translation of the Bible that I agree with whole-heartedly.

Robbie Harris, one if the author's Rabbis is asked about whether a literal interpretation of the Bible's text is appropriate:

He says, "We can't insist that the Bible mark the end of our relationship with God. Who are we to say the Bible contained all the wisdom? If you insist that God revealed Himself only at one time, at one particular place, using these discreet words, and never any other time than that, that in itself is a kind of idolatry."

His point is you can commit idolatry on the Bible itself. You can start to worship the words instead of the spirit. You need to meet God halfway in the woods.

Amen. This is something I had always believed, but never brought far enough forward in my mind to put into words nearly this eloquent. What do you think?

Short Thanksgiving Break

While much of the world doesn't officially celebrate Thanksgiving the way many Americans do, I encourage everyone (regardless of where you live) to take a moment to reflect on good things in life for the next couple of weeks. There are two reasons I advocate this:

1) It's a healthy thing to do. We get so caught up in judgement of ourselves and others that it's important to search our lives (whatever our current state of mind) and look for something positive to consider. Share that good thing with someone else. Make a positive difference in someone's life... even if it's your own.

2) I'll be offline for the rest of November. I know it's a selfish thing, but there it is. I am thankful for everyone who takes the time to read these rambling blogs. Connection via virtual avenues of communication is a relatively new phenomenon and we all benefit when the activity is two-way. This blog has been blessed with all kinds of readers and posters and I'm humbled when anyone takes to time to thoughtfully read or post.

I'll miss you for a couple of weeks, but look forward to coming back and talking again very soon! Challenge me and I'll do the same. Hopefully we'll both learn something. I can't wait!

...and if you're bored while I'm out, check out the sites listed on the right of this page. There are some wonderful blogs out there just waiting for you to get involved!

See you in early December!!!!

The Year of Living Biblically

I read the Onion. We get it here for free, so I can't help but pick it up since it's funnier than the other local papers and has all the movie, club, and book reviews I could want each week. This time around, they reviewed the new book The Year of Living Biblically by A. J. Jacobs which received high marks. Essentially, it's a book about an agnostic man's experience when he tries to come to terms with his Jewish heritage by reading the entire Bible (both Testaments) and living by every life suggestion, rule, and law simultaneously for an entire year.

I couldn't pass up the opportunity to voyeuristically experience his very personal experiment. I've only finished a few short chapters and it's already very cool. I'll post more here as I keep reading, but here's a link so you can find out more if you're interested:

Hardcover Book @ Amazon

Trade As One

This is awesome in the truest sense of the word...

Trade As One.

I'm getting all my Christmas gifts through these wonderful people. If you're going to buy things for people, why not help out those who need your help and benefit directly from the purchases your make?

Like I said: Awesome.

Lars and the Real Girl

Run, don't walk, to the closest theater showing this magnificent film and see it today! For those with interest in finding out more, drop by the Lars and the Real Girl website (Flash intenstive & sound).

It's amazing. Don't worry... it's only rated PG-13. :D

Here's a trailer:

Couldn't have happened to nicer people...

Church ordered to pay $10.9 million for funeral protest

A grieving father won a nearly $11 million verdict Wednesday against a fundamentalist Kansas church that pickets military funerals in the belief that the war in Iraq is a punishment for the nation's tolerance of homosexuality.

You know these scumbags... they're the "God Hates Fags" morons. Can't say I'm at all sad or surprised.

Watching House. Learning About Life.

Although I'm not a huge fan of network TV, I've been watching House, M.D. lately. For those who haven't, you should consider giving it a chance. I'm also not a huge fan of medical shows, but I've loved Hugh Laurie (the actor/comedian who plays the main character) ever since his early BBC days with Stephen Fry.

House is an avowed atheist and a curmudgeon. In the intense episode I watched last night (One Day, One Room), he interacts with a rape victim (intriguingly named Eve) who challenges his notions of God. There are two quotes from the show I would like to share with you:

Quote #1 - House and Eve are discussing abortion (I told you it was an intense show). Eve's contention is that everyone's life is sacred. House doesn't agree:

House: If we were to care about every person suffering on the planet, life would shut down.

Certainly life as we know it would. Sounds like a perfect plan. :D

Quote #2 - House and Eve finally get down to discussing the nature of existence and why she chose him to discuss all of this. She confesses that she doesn't really know why... simply because he was there in the room with her. He doesn't understand the irrationality of her choice:

House: Are you going to base your whole life on who you're stuck in a room with?

Eve: I'm gonna base this moment on who I am stuck in a room with! It's what life is, it's a series of rooms, and who we get stuck in those rooms with, adds up to what our lives are.

Yes it does.

Neuroscience and God

Neuroscientists have been able to track down sections of the brain that light up when nuns recall epiphanous moments. So what does this mean about God and our relationship with God? Not being a neuroscientist, it doesn't mean a whole lot to me, but be certain that people will use it an excuse to argue about the existence of God.

Just because the brain lights up in reproducible ways when a person is thinking about God doesn't mean God is a figment of their imagination. It's like saying that litmus paper changes colors when I drop lemon juice on it because the paper really likes acids.

I'll stop now... it's early and I need coffee. What do you think about all of this?

Cephalopod Awareness Day - Dang, I Missed It!

How did we miss this one. Man, I seem to be good at finding out about these things the day after they happen. Oh well... better late than never.

Cephalopod Awareness Day

Radiohead Rules, I think...

Being a musician of (very) little note, I love it when artists take control of their work and make it available to fans in unique ways. It's one of the things that attracted me to Jonathan Coulton whose Thing A Week series is awesome!

Now Radiohead, a very popular band who've sold millions of copies of previous albums, has decided (now that they are no longer under contract to EMI) to let the fans decide how much to charge for access to download their new album. How cool is that?

There's something very Jesus about this to me.

Having said that, I'm not sure what I think about the band Radiohead. I like some of the songs I've heard and am not as eager to re-listen to other tracks. I've been told they are very melancholy. I can respect that and I do respect the work they've put out so far. None of it sucks. I need to learn more about them. Anyone in here a Radiohead fan?

Unexpected Hope and Love

Even in the midst of the terrible, good can spring. There is hope.

September 22, 2007 - Purse snatcher (Franklin Avenue, Minneapolis)

Make sure to read the caption under the picture.

Vincent Black Lightning - Does it get any better?

The bike is awesome. The song is awesomer. Richard Thompson makes it all sublime. He's right when he says, "in my opinion, there's nothing in this world Beats a 52 Vincent and a red headed girl."