So what is this thing we call "doubt"?

Doubt, as you may have guessed I would say given the last two posts, is the result of unresolved feelings about our imperfections. In the same way our rejection of our imperfections is completely dysfunctional and can lead us to desperate solutions (i.e sins) that distance us from God, others, and our true selves (i.e. the result of our sin), the continuation of the unresolved feelings leads us to replay those feelings in our minds without resolution. This is guilt.

If our sins hurt other people, this guilt intensifies. It's often intermingled with a sense of responsibility and/or justice which can lead people to confuse the two. Letting go of our negative associations with imperfection is different than letting go of responsibility. One can be done without the other. Since we are more familiar with a clear definition of responsibility, we sometimes let go of that thinking it will solve the guilt and fix the underlying association with our distrust of things imperfect. The truth is the exact opposite.

Realizing that God will forgive your sins and then making amends for how those sins hurt everyone (including yourself) is the first step. After that, the more nebulous, complex, difficult, and rewarding step is to embrace your imperfections and love yourself. This allows you to love others and God more fully as well. You take responsibility for your sins and also take the steps necessary to resolve your guilt.

So what's the most important commandment? Say it with me...

I'm rambling again, aren't I? Help me out here!

Imperfection isn't Sin

Here are my quick, unfiltered thoughts on this subject, but I need your help to work through this!

Sin is what separates us from God, others, and our true selves. Imperfection is what makes us unique. Confusing the two has lead generation after generation into self-doubt, judgement, and sadness.

We seem to spend so much time covering up our imperfections... trying to live up to some ideal that nobody can achieve so we will feel loved and important. (bear with me here) Only reflections from the past, whether they be tangible like photographs or intangible like memories, are given the general cultural approval of "perfect"... but even these are imperfect in their own way. They are an illusion and (as a result) not everyone agrees what they are or how to achieve them. Striving to meet those conflicting expectations is impossible, damaging and pointless. Ultimately it distances us from loving ourselves.

Look: All there is in this world is the journey and if we fill up that process with hollow pursuits, we're more easily led to things that promise a big payoff, but only distance us from loving ourselves (imperfections and all). That is the definition of sin.

Instead, we should make the most of our time and enjoy the journey. You can choose what to fill it with. Make it something beautiful and wonderful. Does someone else not approve of that? Sounds like that's their issue... Not your's. Let go of all the crap you carry around... or at least put it down for a while. I think you'll find it allows you to pick up something much more satisfying. When you stop worrying about your imperfections and loving yourself because of them (maybe just in spite of them at first until you get the hang of it), you have more room to love other people's imperfections. Then you're loving (!!!) which brings you close to others and God. Just try it!

I will struggle with this for the rest of my life. And you should too. It's good.

Perfection is Imperfection

First of all, I've finished the Subtle Knife and have made good progress in the final book of Pullman's trilogy, the Amber Spyglass. But we'll chat about that another time...

It struck me as I was driving home last night (and in the past) that I really love those moments in church where everything goes wrong. When the next overhead slide has the wrong words, I rejoice. When someone singing into the microphone forgets the lyrics or plays a wrong chord, I beam with happiness. When things go wrong, Everything is right.

So many churches spend Monday through Saturday desperately hunting down and eliminating these "embarrassing" moments... as if imperfection were abhorrent in the eyes of God. I see it is exactly the opposite. The moment my church has such a polished product that we consecutively have "perfect" services, I'm out the door. (btw: I don't think it will ever happen)

We should celebrate our blemishes! After all, if God is perfect, the only thing that differentiates us from Him may be our imperfections. Although they might not seem wonderful to us, they're all we really have. Isn't there something wonderful about that? If God had wanted us to be nothing more than exact clones of Him throughout our life, don't you think He would have done just that? And yet here we are... warts and all.

And I love it. Now go be imperfect and rejoice!

The Subtle Knife - Making progress

So I'm making excellent progress through the Pullman trilogy and am just about finished with the second of the three books: The Subtle Knife. The author's intentions are radiantly clear as never before. There is no doubt of what's going to happen in the third book nor of what the outcome will likely be:

*Spoiler Alert*
-=Here's another chance to look away if you intend to read the books=--

What's coming is an epic battle between God (as the establishment defines it) and "what is right" (i.e. what Pullman and his sympathetic characters believe). It's most likely going to have the main female character (Lyra) become an unwitting hero who is sacrificed for the betterment of mankind. Knowing the difference between our reality and that of this book (and what Pullman has said he thinks), the establishment will likely win and the "morale" will be that this is a bad thing but that we have a choice to reject our notion of god to create a better world. I'm not sure there is not some sympathy to be shared with this vision, but I can see why many people would have trouble with this collection being marketed to children. Then again, think about what kind of pollution is fed to kids in the name of the Church these days.

We'll see what happens... What do you think?

Finished the Golden Compass

***Spoiler Alert***
-=Skip this message if you're planning to read any of these books and don't want to know what happens!=-

I've finished the first of three books in Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy: The Golden Compass. If you've seen the movie, you haven't actually been exposed to everything in the first book. It is toward the end of the book that Pullman begins to reveal more what could be considered the true intended nature of this work.

At this point Lyra meets up with her uncle/father Lord Asriel and we learn more about his experiments with dust (and his true nature) - he isn't really as admirable as I had been led to think. It seems that this character is used by Pullman to exemplify people who consider all sorts of ecumenical reflections on the Bible and yet still come away with selfish, poisonous interpretations. If I'm to understand the intent of Pullman's words, knowing that he has been publicized (intentionally or otherwise) as both an atheist and a satanist, I might assume this is what he would consider to be the "best" result from trying to merge religion and science short of rejecting God and the Bible. Assuming we put aside this (IMO) flawed conclusion, I think there is much good to be derived from what he has brought to the table.

There are many people who read (or think they've studied) the Bible and use it to justify all sorts of awful things. It all comes down to interpretation. The beauty of having a tool like the Bible is that (with the exception of differing translations) it isn't really changing dramatically at this point - at least not like it was 1900 years ago. It can act as a kind of gestalt, against which we can see the true nature of a person or an organization. To come to the conclusion that the Bible itself (or the Koran, an astronomy book, the daily newspaper...) is evil would be a mistake. I'm not sure that this is what Pullman intends. I still have two more books to read in this series. We'll see...

What do you think?

Update on Golden Compass

I'm making good progress on the audiobook of Philip Pullman's Golden Compass. So far, I see little to get excited about in terms of a covert plot to turn our children into atheists. Maybe I'm missing something, but there we are. I would say I'm a little more than a third done and I've heard some decidedly negative things coming from his representation of the human political manifestation of faith (the church) but then I guess I agree with him on that.

Remember kids: Heresy is an imperative in this modern world.